It’s the last day of the year, and my last post of the year. Hehe. Ain’t I clever? Wait, is it the last day of the year? I’m guessing the time zones will f*ck this brilliant post. Damn the time zones. But anyways, let’s take a look back at TPAB’s busy year.
It was a busy year for both the site and my real life. I actually decided to be stupid busy at the start of the year, because I knew that I was set to getting this sweet public teaching job in my area. I had the connections, I had an impressive demo teaching and interview (where the other applicants literally tried to catch up to everything I was spouting), and the interviewer even hinted the job is mine. I was on a high, so I kinda wanted TPAB to be on a high too. 2018 is a gigantic failure on everything though. Plans did not come to fruition and I was seriously having the worst existential crisis every night knowing my fool proof career plan is basically set to bust. It was a glorious bust though. Seriously, f*ck this year.
I’m in a good place now though. I’m currently back to my path, but I had to take a short cut through the woods onto my way back to the asphalt road. But, let’s go at it one step at the time. This is a recap of my stupid year, and it actually started on December of 2017.
The Winter Games
I guess it was a huge signal how bad my year was about to go down when I lost the first ever Winter Games. It’s a three month collab project where four bloggers tried to predict three shows. The project was a success, and I now have new found hatred for my fellow bloggers. Again, congrats to Irina for winning the endeavor. I hope I can do this again. We actually planned on doing it again come Summer, but plans fell through. More like, we actually didn’t want to do it again. People were just too polite to say no. Weekly blogging is also draining. Leap and I kinda cried in our DMs at the blogging load we have. Fun times.
The goal of the Winter Games is to connect with bloggers. Running with that idea, I came up with the Tea Time collab project. It’s a fancy interview thing where I try to connect with other people. How many have I done before I stopped? I think I did three months and then the whole thing crashed. I actually had a bunch of people already locked for the project. In fact, my tea time post with Shadowcat is still in my drafts and I never came around to publishing it. I also planned one with Snowrice, but our schedule never synced. It was kinda funny she was still asking for it, I think, after three months of me abandoning the project. I’m sorry. I actually plan on finishing this one, but my schedule just can’t do it at the moment. I also just don’t want to promise anything big for 2019. F*ck 2019.
I do want to thank Keiko, Thero, Amethyst and Rose for doing the project with me. Hey, I had four tea times. Also hey, all girls. Not intentional. Although Shadow and Snow are also girls. Did I not approach any dudes for this? I owe my readers eight more tea times, so look out for them. Just, no promises. If any (actual) girl blogger is interested in tea time, hit me up. I kid, I hang out with dudes too. Well, actually no. In the past five years, I’ve only talked to, like, three guys in real life. The teaching profession prefers a certain gender, for some reason. But yeah, if you’re up for tea time, chime in on the comments.
This collab project is 2/3s a success and the rest are failures. This featured me, Leap and Keiko just discussing anime. No hate, but I know a lot of bloggers followed suit with collabs thanks to my ridiculous projects. TALK was very interesting, because it was a colossal mess. There is this magical thing called a time zone, and I realize that the sun rises a day early on my area. Holy sh*t, is that why Japan is called the land of the rising sun cause they’re the eastern most country on earth? Is it? I seriously just thought of that, and now I’m typing it. Yeah, this magical creature made the collab hell on our part. We all live in different time zones where, at any time, it’ll be morning for one person, lunch time for another and afternoon for the other dude. We never freaking synched, and it was a disaster.
Keiko also consciously chose THE WORST anime of the gawd damn seasonal lineup for us to watch. Gawd damn Devils Line still scarred me. I think it ruined my enthusiasm for anime for the rest of the year as well. That’s on you, Keiko. That’s on you!!!!
I kid, of course. Devil Line was awesome. It had a bondage scene where the guy moaned when his nipple was grazed. I never laughed so hard in my life. We managed to finish this anime and Leap’s choice, but you can tell our interest for Devils Line just died as the weeks progresses. I had the brilliant choice to pick My Hero Academia 2, and we would actually consume two hours just talking about the show. Given our time zone situation, our hatred for Devils Line, and my ability to steer conversations towards nonsense, we never finished talking about MHA 2. I don’t think we can actually finish it, but I do want to try this again. Us three is missing 1/3 of our victory for this project. We deserve no fractions in our victories, damn it.
After the Rain
Speaking of Keiko and her conscious choices, I am still gushing over After the Rain. I actually had the live action in my recommendations on YouTube, and I am also in love with it. Komatsu Nana as the lead just feels right. I’ve watched this video countless times now. I am in love with it.
I’m also obsessed with this video. I kept replaying these videos for months now.
Plan A and B Are Busts
I think around June, I realized my locked in job is no longer mine. Thanks to some stupid misfiling, the wonderful government job I thought I had slipped out of my fingers. I was in a total panic. My very helpful connection actually tried to help me get it back, but it was too late. I hate the government and I no longer want to work there. I keep hearing that if it’s meant to be yours, then you’re meant to have it. It’s a stupid line, and it really just annoys me every time I hear it. I refuse to accept that this job wasn’t for me. Through my stubbornness, I actually went for my Plan B dream job knowing full well I am not ready for it. I was rejected countless times, but knowing what’s not meant to be mine isn’t meant to be mine just irritated me. The rejections beat me up though, and knowing my life is aimless just didn’t really feel good. But, as I was actually searching for open jobs, I knew I had a plan C. I could work for a private school, but I don’t really want to quit going for my plan B. I should stop talking in codes. Plan B is a job outside the country. I literally had a job interview where the interviewer said my qualifications are good…..
….but my English accent sucks. If it’s not meant to be yours, then you’re not meant to get it.
I stared at this ideal private school teaching job posting while the saying rang through my head. I’ll be rejected for this sh*t too, for sure. I am getting desperate though, so I applied like 1 AM in the morning. I got a call 6 AM scheduling an interview for tomorrow. I stared at the job opening one more time. This better not be mine. If there is a gawd, he must be f*cking with me hard.
I went to the interview. I was immediately redirected to my second interview. Afterwards, I was scheduled for a demo teaching. I’ve been here before. After the demo, I’m sure I’ll be rejected. F*ck my life. The demo happened and I got no feedback. Of course. Then I got a call for the final interview that night. The interview happened and then one last phone call.
Come by for the contract signing.
F*ck it all. If it’s not yours, then you’re not meant to have it. I was ready to dismiss this saying until I got settled into the school. I befriended the new hires, and one of them was actually hired before me. She was given an option to choose my job or choose her current job. If she chose mine, then I would not be working right now. Later on, my supervisor revealed to me that five other people applied that same week for my job. They all didn’t qualify. Somehow though, I did.
This job was really meant for me. It’s kinda creepy when you think about it. The timing was just scary right. And to think, it only took me four days to go through the hiring period. I know there’s a gawd up there, and he seriously f*cked with me this year. There’s a lesson in this long story, and you figure it out. I’m tired. Speaking of stories though…..
Create A Story
It’s the big one. Uncertain about my future and my life in general, I decided to do one big collab involving too many people. I got Leap and Keiko’s help and we launched the create a story tag. It was a brilliant collab, and I never really got a chance to experience the community vibe I was planning with it. I transitioned from the countryside to the city, and I was in no mood to deal with the collab project. I think the rule is that people chose some options, made a story out of it, and then tag people. I was supposed to compile the stories into a book and it was supposed to serve as a snapshot of the blogging scene of 2018. The big hub of all the stories is in Keiko’s blog, but I think she missed two or three stories. Go tell her which one she missed.
I still plan on compiling this sh*t, and I was even supposed to review the stories. This is still a planned thing, but again, no promises. 2019 will be a promiseless year for me. I’ve learned my lesson.
My Blogless Four Month
As you all know, I went silent around September and I’m only active now because it’s the holidays. During that four month, I really focused on reintegrating with the place I ran away from a long time ago. Manila, the capital of my country, is where I had my severe depression. Going back to my province helped a lot for me. I met my mentor, I found my goal in life and I put myself back together. The new job I had is in Manila though, and I f*cking dreaded going back there. The place is dirty, it’s crammed with people and I just don’t want to leave my comfortable life. My first week back, I was a wreck. I didn’t sleep well, I was crying at night and I just missed everything in the province. I think this was around the time Anthony Bourdain also killed himself, and that really added to the pain. He was my idol, and I always dreamed of meeting him. Why did such a chill dude kill himself? I remember the Discovery Channel aired his old No Reservations episodes, and I made a promise then and there. I’ll suck it up, and I’ll do my best for Anthony Bourdain. This is a new chapter of my life, a dirty crowded chapter, but I’m going head first through this concrete jungle. After all, if I’m already crumbling moving two hours away from home, how can I handle working outside the gawd damn country? I kept Anthony Bourdain’s famous quote as my main motivation these past months.
“If there’s one thing I’m an advocate for. It’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can.”
And move I did.
I also love this quote: “Anyone who doesn’t have a great time in San Francisco is pretty much dead to me.”
But yeah, I was always an adventurous person. I survived Devils Line, so I can survive this too. I mean, do it for the guy who killed himself in a hotel in France while his wife is raising his baby girl.
In the city, I tried it all. I walked in places I knew I’d get robbed, I talked to people I knew I’ll never get along with, I said yes to outings and food hopping that turn to bar hopping, I rode the f*cking MRT which is a light rail that I will never ride again, I reconnect with people I ran away from back when my depression hit me, and I just lived my life. Soon, I realized that I don’t have it bad. I can still enjoy my nightly walks and the roads are actually quiet after 9 PM. I learned to share things about myself to people I don’t really get along with and I soon learned to enjoy my time hanging out with them. I rediscovered why I came in Manila back when I was young and it was because of the travelling. I loved travelling. I wonder why I grew to hate it? Soon, this just became my life. The city isn’t really that bad. I’m just glad I’m still teaching. The smile of your students oddly stays the same whether you’re in the country or in the city.
As I settled, I soon learned other people are having a tougher time in their transition. Things I’ve already gone through, these poor bastards are experiencing for the first time. Life is kinda funny like that. You soon learn that you have it easier than most people. I wonder how much of a burden Bourdain was carrying while he was trying to connect people with his show? It still saddens me.
I’m a Horse in the Chinese zodiac and the predictions said I’ll have a better year in 2019. They said all the crap of 2018 will be made up for in the next year, and I hope it’s true. For now, I just want to go back into TPAB’s world full of anime and porn and porn anime. My work load is a lot easier handle, so I plan on watching one anime a day. It’s not a promise, but something I hope I can try. If I can juggle both this site and work, then I can’t wait to get back into reviewing anime. I also have 7,387 blog posts I plan to read from people I followed this year. I’m not joking. I’m going to spam likes in your site soon. But that’s not a promise. No promises. 2019 will be a chill year.
GUYS!!!!! I GOT A BACKER!!!!!!!
Thank you to Yomu for being my first 5 dollar backer. They already gave me their recommended anime, so I’ll work on that soon. Thank you so much for the support.
Also, more love to Kit aka Vixey. Get used to their names appearing in my reviews, because that’s one of the beauties of pledging to TPAB. You get my unlimited thank you at the end of each post. What are you waiting for? Give me your money too!!!! I kid. It’s all good. We’re all having fun.
Here’s to 2018. Good bye. Thank you.