Update and whatnot

First of all, I believe in signs.

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Like those crop circles or something. Yeah, signs are awesome. No, actually, I believe that there are no coincidences in life. When I was plunged into a really bad depression five years ago, I believe it was on purpose. I believe it was a chance to fix my life, and I believe that I somehow found my purpose after becoming an anime reviewer. I thank my rock bottom moment in life because I was able to stand up a better person thanks to it. Becoming TPAB wasn’t an accident. I believe it was planned from the very beginning.

Anyways, when your daily views plummet and your computer suddenly dies on you after such a long time, I believe I received another big sign as well. It coincides with my decision to go back to school and pursue a career in teaching, so things aligned for the better. So, that’s kinda the big reason why I’ve been inactive for a long time. I lost my motivation when wordpress screwed me, and the computer I use to review anime is actually broken. I do not have the money to fix it, and my other laptop is a sh*tty piece of junk that is really hard to use. The keyboard is absolutely busted, and the arrow keys are just forever pressed so I constantly have to battle it when moving the mouse cursor. It’s not worth the effort. I decided to just stop… for now.

Don’t get me wrong. I owe my life to TPAB, so there’s no way in hell I’m stopping. The timing of all these crop circles just felt right, so I decided to just run with it. I still plan on pursuing my one thousand goal, but I am focused on other things for now.

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Let me just be completely honest though. I know for a fact that I have a career as an internet writer. Locally, there are many jobs for me and the horizon certainly opened up when I had a chance to write for MAL. It did worry me though, because pursuing a career being a writer on the internet feels unsatisfying for me.

It’s also unhealthy, because it requires not leaving my house forever. TPAB consumed a lot of my time, and it just confined me in my house. It gave me purpose, sure, but I don’t think this route is the one for me. I want something more in life. After five years of feeling like such a loser, I feel like I deserve more than the path TPAB provided me. Sure, I worked hard to create this path, but I really want more in life. I’m so used to running away, because I am a weak person. During my rock bottom life, I cut ties with people in my life and I just ruined everything that made my life whole. Gaining massive amount of weight, feeling disgusted with yourself and just lying in bed for five f*cking years, I feel like I should get back the years I’ve wasted.

Right now, I plan on pursuing a career becoming a teacher. I have to thank TPAB for this as well. I’ve become an observant and studious academic because of my time reviewing anime. I realized that anything can be learned and anything can be taught, so I decided to go for it. I’ve done small time teachings caring for special needs kids, and I think I can pursue a full career doing that. I don’t plan to just stop in SPED though, because the thrill of teaching in a classroom full of YOLO bastards listening to your words is very exhilarating as well. I am shy as f*ck, but I now plan to teach in front of a lot of kids and make sure these guys don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made. In order to achieve this goal, I need to pass this licensure exam for teachers. It requires answering 450 questions about education, and I need to prepare for it. This past June, I enrolled back in school to gain requirements to take the exam. This December till March, I am now preparing for the real thing. It’s going to be a stressful time for me so I hope you guys understand that I just can’t commit to this site for now.

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As I look back, I really feel proud how far I’ve gone. In fact, I am not just planning to pursue a career but I am also trying to plunge into the dating scene. I kid you not, anime is the only reference I have when it comes to dating. Back in June, I met this really awesome girl and I really wanted to ask her out. I confessed that I liked her, but this went south suddenly. She started avoiding me, and we’ve been awkward ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I never expected much. In fact, I wanted to get rejected so I can learn from it. As I said, TPAB gave me skills to observe and to learn so I wanted to learn how to ask girls out as well. With the girl I liked, I really just wanted to confess to her since I am such a shy guy. I did that, and then I panicked afterwards. She gave me a “I can’t really give you an answer right now and I hope you respect that” response, and I freaked out. It wasn’t a yes or a no. It was a soft maybe, and I was just caught off guard. Looking back on it, as an observer, I realized the girl did like me back and she just wanted me to take the lead. She wanted me to approach her in class, and she wanted me to basically start the courting process in the classroom…in such a social area. I don’t know how, and I just shriveled up into a miserable guy.

I wanted her to reject me. I never expected her to actually give me clearance to go for it. Anime lied to me. Dating is such a social game, and no amount of advice from other people can prepare you from it. The girl was waiting for a reason to like me back, and I never gave her one. I suck. I didn’t know where she was coming from, and no amount of observation can help you. I realized that dating is all about taking risks and showing other people how much you care for them. It’s easier said than done though. I really just wanted to talk to her, and I even explained that to her. I love talking to her, and days just seem dull when I don’t hear her voice. When she started avoiding me, I was devastated. I realized I just really really suck. F*cking shoot me. I never had the courage to talk to her afterwards as well, and it’s a frustrating experience. It’s one that I absolutely love experiencing though. Meeting people that share your interests is a fun experience, but I really need to work on it.

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Right now, I am trying to befriend this really quiet girl. She rarely speaks, and she rarely moves in class so I just spend a lot of time asking her random questions. She’s cute when she’s talking. She recently opened up, and I learned the girl is a freaking Mormon. I visited their church just this past week, and then I met her family. I shriveled back into the shy guy I am. I don’t know how to talk to the family of the girl that I like, especially on such a weird setup. I kept trying to withhold my fascination of her, and I really just f*cking wanted the day to end. I feel like she has opened up to me after that, but dear gawd, our point of interest is the fact that she is a hardcore Mormon. No offense to my readers who are Mormons as well, but they take their worship seriously. In my visit to their church, they hammered the fact that I am going to hell for being a filthy Christian and these wonderful Mormon people are going to heaven because “they have a relationship with God”.

Shoot me.

I feel like I sinned though, because I was with this cute girl throughout the day and I just wanted to hug her. She wore this blue floral Sunday dress, and I was just mesmerized all day long. She also gives me glances where she would smile when our eyes meet, and I am just going insane. Can you date a Mormon? Should you date such a hardcore religious person? The way she looks at me though, it’s really just killing me inside. I like her, and I would settle for the friendzone with her. So yeah, I’ve been busy doing that as well.

I am working hard to befriend this quiet hardcore religious girl. I’ve even started reading the bible. I’m at that story after the dude went up to heaven. Now, I am a cynical guy and I believe the term for my spiritual belief is “agnostic”, so I’m not really that up in religion. I believe in God though, and I feel like he’s making fun of me by introducing me to this awesome girl that happens to be in a serious relationship with him. While reading this bible, I also feel like the man upstairs is a troll. How did so many religion sprout out of just one holy book? Why did He allow this to happen? I do understand the purpose of religion though. When faced with the existential question of why we exist, most people cling to “worshipping God” as their answer. It’s all good. I’ll also be candid that I did hate God back when I was in depression. I was seriously yelling at him and filling my prayers with curses back then. Meeting a girl, who suddenly gives you a bible after feigning interest in religion, is a good enough sign for me to reconnect with the bearded dude up in the clouds (Santa?). If I need to have a relationship with God as well, just so I can get closer to this girl I’ve been dying to put cat ears on her head, then I’ll do that.

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So as you can see, I’ve been very busy. Life has been interesting and scary with all these new experiences. Please understand that I’ll be very busy moving forward.

I might crank out a few reviews now and then, but I might not be as active in 2017 as well since I’ll be looking for a job after I hopefully pass my licensure exam. Once I settle down though, then I’ll be sure to continue TPAB’s journey.

Lastly, thank you for the support. People miss me? Aww. When I saw my followers in my FB page grew, then I also took that as a sign that I really can’t leave TPAB behind. When people started commenting asking for reviews, then it really warms my heart. Thank you. Seriously, it means a lot to me. I miss reviewing as well, like you wouldn’t believe, but I really just have a lot on my plate right now.

Anyways, apologies for the delay. Thank you for understanding. 🙂

 

25 thoughts on “Update and whatnot

  1. Hoping everything works out for you in the end. Can’t say that I have been doing any better switching between life and leisure, but you have put what’s important first and leave everything else for latter. Not like you can’t come back when you please. As for dating, can’t offer anything meaningful since it was more like luck for me. Not sure if persistence counts for anything, lol.

  2. Do what you gotta do man. I appreciate all the time you’ve put into this site and your writing has helped me appreciate the medium more, but don’t let old projects hold you back from developing yourself. You’re one of the best critics I’ve encountered, and I imagine you’ll do great in any field that engages you. Good luck!

    Now here’s some dating advice from one agnostic boy surrounded by cute mormon girls to another: DON’T FALL FOR MORMON GIRLS! If you make any headway with her, she will start to have a libido driven (or divine from her perspective) need to convert you. This isn’t pretty. Depending on how comfortable you are being social with women, there’s nothing wrong with being friend zoned right now. Like you said, there’s a lot to be gained from just observing.

    Keep in mind girls shouldn’t be the only one with standards. I myself stumbled into a fucked up relationship with a very cute, very crazy girl. I had been recovering from depression so I had a skewed sense of self worth, and I assumed all her abuses were deserved somehow. Just like there are some Don Juans who will do anything to have sex, there are some girls who will do and say anything to make sure they have enablers. Don’t sell yourself short just because of a sure thing, a girl who doesn’t respect you isn’t worth your time.

    Well I hope this block of text has some use for you. I’ve gained so much from your writing over the years I felt the need to reciprocate a little. Personally I’d be interested in just personal updates from you, but I fully understand if you want to commit 100% to non-writing stuff. Wherever you end up, I hope you chose to be there. Again, good luck!

    • thank you for the adivce, sir. what you said has been sitting w/ me and i’ve been really cautious ever since, lol. she keeps inviting me back to their church, i’m a bit concerned now. she invited me over for x mas and then this upcoming new years, and i don’t know what to do. i’m pretty sure going back might make the situation weirder….but i feel like she wants to tell me something but not over text or pms. it’s really weird.

      and thanks a lot for the advice. i mean it when i say i have been a nervous wreck ever since i keep obsessing over the fact that i am still single, but after your advice, i’ve been able to talk to girls pretty normally now. i actually have female friends now and your advice really helped. give me more. haha

      it makes me teary eyed how supportive my readers are. thanks a lot. i don’t know you, but i’m glad this small site has helped you. reading messages like yours really keeps me motivated to continue this 1000 goal of mine. i’ll be channeling it towards other things for now, but i’ll seriously finish this goal. i owe it to all the incredible readers i have. thank you for the support.

  3. Adult-ing? xD

    Kidding aside, you do you man — set out to what you want to do; or what you feel you need to do (and if they’re one and the same, then hey, all the more reason to move forward).

    Ani-blogging, and really just writing in general, is fun. Getting to interact and meet people who share similar passions is pretty neat bonus too. But you don’t need me telling you that. You hear other bloggers say that this is a form of “escape” and for the most part it does ring true. I myself would tend to agree at least. I’m sure a lot of people would too. It may be for a whole set of different reasons (some not as meaningful as others) but all the same, we needed some place to escape to.

    And that’s the thing, this place you created won’t really go away. The landscape will change; people might up and go in your absence (I know this first-hand) — but you’ll still have this place (so long as you will it I suppose).

    So yeah, from a laid-back ani-blogger that comes and goes as he pleases: go, wear those pants, face the world head-on (lol) and best of luck in all of your future endeavors from this point on, be it academic or romantic 😀

    • Nasa US k n pala. langka di k nagsabi. sayang at di natuloy ang meetup natin. DI MO KASI SINABI.
      makaka balik k p
      kelan

      at kung may problema k pre, usap tau. message k lng sa twitter. add mo ko sa fb. anu fb mo

      and thanks for the warm words. i hope you the very best as well in your time of transition. it’ll be weird, but us pnoys can get through anything. tau p. haha

      • hirap din kasi sabihin sa totoo lang, haha
        makakabalik naman, kung kailan, well, pinaka optimistic na ang 2018 — kung matuloy yun, depende na kung maka-uwi-uwi ng regular

        sige lang, haha, dm ko nalang sa twitter fb ko

        thanks as well, and yeah, so far it actually has been a bit weird (not as much as I initially expected, which I looked at as a good sign). kaya naman, at, well, kakayanin pa

        • Cge. Dm mo pre. C shizumi add m dn. Bgay ko sau fb nya. Para tau tau ay mgkka kilala ng maayos.

          Sabhn m lng pg mkk uwi k. Sayang at ozine fest last weekend. Na singit sna ntn b4 ds yir end.

          Dude. There are blonde chicks there and red heads. Go and confirm the stereotypes!!! Daan m lng sa english yan. Cguro nmn d k n ma bubully dyan. Laki mo n. Haha.

          Pero sbhn ko lng n being sociable is a prerequiste tlga lalo n pag bago ka. So try and approach people. Wag lng mga pinoy kasi u’re in dis for the long haul. Ingat pre

  4. Hoping everything works out for you in the end. I will miss your reviews, but I i hope we can meet again in the not so distance future.

  5. You are a very talented writer but what sets you apart from others is that earnest honesty, a tender vulnerability, and a naive yet inspiring determination. These aspects shine through your writing because you stay true to yourself, after all these years, so don’t stop. And part of being true to yourself is to not force yourself upon things. We all love anime as an escape from our everyday mundane jobs, but at the same time feeling the pressure to continue with what started as a hobby can be detrimental to your life and may even destroy your love of the hobby. I guess what I’m trying to say is do what you enjoy, we love reading your reviews, but only when you are being genuine and write from the heart. We support your choices so go for all those opportunities in your life, and when you do have a break and find a little anime gem that intrigues you, do surprise us with another one of your brilliant reviews, you’ll always have an audience.

    • i always try to be as stripped down when i write. i actually do that because i noticed a lot of bloggers have this defensive air to them. like they like something, but they’d be snotty about it and force hating it. there also some reviewers that think highly of themselves, so i really tried to be not like them. lol.

      and yeah, i did experience some stress back when i realized i can’t clear my 1000 goal in a timely manner, but i’m over it. this is still a goal, but i just need to put it on hold for now.

      thank you for the support. i feel absolutely blessed to have great and supportive readers like yourself. cheers.

  6. Sometimes you just gotta put pants on and go out into the world. I can sympathize with being stuck in a career you don’t like, it’s not fun. For the longest time I didn’t like my job, so this January I’m finally going back to college.

    While I’m sorry to see you go, I’m glad you are making the changes you need in your life. I’ll be sure to check back every once in a while to see if you have updates (and to read some of your past reviews I haven’t gotten around to yet).

    Best wishes with everything in life.

    • hey, going back to school. it’san excting experience. i was scared at first, but i had a good time in my 6 months.
      and i’ll try my best to make some reviews. i can’t promise anything though, but i’ll do my best.
      thanks for support and for undersdtanding

      • Don’t worry about reviews, it seems like you have more important stuff going on. I’m still catching up on your old recommendations. Next up in my queue is Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Since you gave it a 10, it had better be fucking amazing. If not, you shall receive some tersely worded comments from me!

        Seriously though, I wanna offer you one piece of advice: In your post you sounded like you were slightly depressed over hoes. My advice is: don’t get depressed over hoes. DO NOT GET DEPRESSED OVER HOES. It’s totally NOT worth it. There are literally billions of fish in the sea. I think I was rejected over 20 times before I had my first girlfriend. Just keep on trying, don’t give up, and everything will work out.

        • Madoka still holds up…I hope. I don’t give away perfect scores freely so I do hope you enjoy. Just watch the anime completely clueless of what’s it about and I think you’ll appreciate it more.
          And tbh, yeah, i was a bit downhearted when I wrote the post since I kinda suck at talking to girls. I’m all good now though. thanks for the advice.

Thoughts~

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