Yesterday, this happened.
So The Pantless Anime Blogger has turned one year old. I am now old enough to watch a ton of tentacle porn and review them. Nah, I kid. At this point, I don’t think I’ll ever review a hentai. I’m actually looking for that one special hentai that has a good enough story in it to recommend to casual viewers but also hardcore enough to give some nod to regular closet perverts. Anyways, typical TPAB starting a post with porn, this blog has lasted one year and there’s no sign of stopping for now. My goal of 1000 anime reviews is going along well. I’m actually getting gullible people to follow my blog and take my recommendations seriously. Thank you very much.
The purpose of this blog is to impartially give every anime a proper review and not just the popular ones. I also go balls deep on anime no one else would dare try to review. From those worthless flash animated shorts, four panel anime that runs less than five minutes and the super perverted ones that are just too irresistible to poke fun of, TPAB has reviewed every anime from every possible genre. Oh, except Yuri and Hentai. Yup, from exciting action anime to fangirling love stories to f*cked up psychological ones to super perverted ones with enough boobs and panty shots to make a gay man straight to visually appealing mecha anime and heck, I’ve even reviewed a goddamn yaoi. I’ve enjoyed Space Opera themed ones, nihilistic ones with just a touch of hope to give the show a decent ending and enough club themed anime to shoot myself in the face. My anime experience in just one year has certainly been a great one.
Throughout this one year as TPAB, there are some things that I learned that I never would’ve discovered if I never tried my own blog. I love learning about new things and this one of the very reason why I’ve been able to watch so many anime. In my one year as an aniblogger, I have learned ten things that I can never forget. They help me grow as a blogger and well, some are just too depressing of facts not to ignore. So let me sum up my one year experience in a generic top ten list. Why a list? I don’t know myself. There is no ranking here. These are just some things I discovered as I blog as TPAB.
Oh, before I forget. Here are some of the stats I got after one year of blogging.
I published 230 posts in my blog. I am not really one to brag and milk my achievements but I didn’t know you were supposed to celebrate doing 100 plus posts. I’m a noob blogger so forgive me. Honestly, these are all loose change to me compared to my 1000 anime goal. The rate I’m going, I might actually post 1000 blogs while still be halfway through my goal. That’ll be exciting, wouldn’t it?
Followers don’t mean much to me. Most of them are people asking for a re-follow so I don’t really go ear-to-ear when I get a follow. I do appreciate it when people genuinely follow my blog and I’m always flattered when people actually go to google and type “(insert anime here) pantless anime review” just to find an anime I reviewed. That makes the whole endeavor pretty worthwhile, to be honest.
My views aren’t also something I can brag about. Yeah, I constantly get 200 views and above but it doesn’t mean salt lick if I can’t reach 1000 reviews. It is gradually increasing though since I started this blog. At the rate I’m reviewing, the average views I get will also increase. The highest view I got was when I posted my top one hundred anime moments of 2012. It was half a year late and I wasn’t able to cover every anime released in 2012. I suck.
As for a personal stat, I was able to review 183 anime. I didn’t even reach 200. My personal life and my blogging just can’t mix well. Believe it or not, I once had a job while reviewing anime. Six months of a contractual job while also reviewing anime. Right now I’m a NEET but personal circumstances give me a reason to stay in my house and watch anime. Still though, 200 anime in a year is not my best. I once did 320 anime and I’m a bit ashamed I wasn’t able to beat my benchmark. Watching is easy but writing a review afterwards takes a toll on my mind.
Anyways, enough gloating, let’s do this goddamn list.
1. I Don’t Hate Mecha
I seriously created this blog with a deep hate for mecha. They’re all the same, said my misinformed mind. It’s always about a bunch of people in a war that is barely explained and the whole story is diluted just so the giant robots can fight. I also hate the fact that people praise Evangelion like it’s the second coming. One of the reasons that show was so successful is because of the visuals. It was ten, no, twenty years ahead of its time and people just ate it up. Then came the horde of people claiming that the story is so divine that any top twenty anime lists feels incomplete without the glory that is Evangelion. One of the goddamn reasons the movies are released is because the series was just plain bad. Can people really justify the ending was glorious? It just pisses me off. Obviously, I’m not an Evangelion fan but there is no way that show is as grand as people claim it is. Years of praise and countless fap dreams about the characters just made the anime more profound.
If you’re reviewing an anime though, you really need to strip your bias away and try to be as impartial as possible. I was able to discover the beauty of mecha thanks to this. I honestly don’t know why I was so resistant at first because it’s really not that bad. I mean, compared to the moe revolution, mecha is the more tolerable. I was able to discover some really good mecha as I blog as TPAB. Shows like Aquarion Evol with great narrative were really new to me. Let me re-watch Evangelion with a mecha fanatic’s eye and see exactly what I missed.
2. I Hate Otome Anime
Those anime about one girl in a reverse harem with a bunch of brainless handsome characters attached to her hips are some of the worst anime I have watched as I blog as TPAB. Seriously, it’s only been a year and any anime adapted from an otome game has a 95% chance to really suck so bad you can’t finish it. I enjoy watching unwatchable things though so something vapid like Arcana Famiglia or Hiiro no Kakera is certainly a challenge but damn it, they’re horrible. It is also a fact though that if it gets a second season then it is guaranteed to be great. For now though, I’m still waiting for that one otome anime to really surprise me because if all of them are as stupid as Starry Sky or Utaprince then shoot me now please.
Seriously, is it that goddamn complex to adapt a visual novel? It’s not that hard. I’ve seen decent harem visual novel to actually be entertaining. The idea is to objectify the characters. It’s really the key to make otome anime worth watching. You have hot guys so let them take of their shirt and f*ck the main character or something. OR they can f*ck each other. Why not, right? Is that not an available route? Every single one of them has one dimensional character with a stupid story and even stupider lead character. I often feel a bit depressed that money was wasted to produce these things called otome anime.
3. I No Longer Have a Favorite Genre
I’m an open minded guy but I used to enjoy psychological anime because their stories are really great. I even judge an anime at how the story was handled so I still hold psychological anime in high regard. Something complex like Boogiepop Phantom or Serial Experiment Lain is just the perfect anime. When I became TPAB, I really just reviewed any anime I can get my hands on. I soon decided to just follow the seasonal lineup. This was a great challenge for me because there is a wide range of anime at every lineup. I once reviewed six Ecchi anime in a row and I basically gave up at one point. As I reached one hundred anime though, I was able to determine what to look out for in certain genres and how to classify certain anime. You should see my previous reviews. They aren’t that great and it’s a proof reader’s nightmare. Anyways, after trying my hands at a lot of anime, I can basically watch them all with an impartial eye. There is the occasional mark out but I can’t count the number of times I’ve praised boobs in Ecchi and handsome hot guys in reverse harems. They’re the anime’s strong points so I often have to lay it out and give it perspective. I’ve done it for so long that I no longer have a favorite anime or any genre I lead towards to. Psychological anime is a great plus for me but I just really no longer go crazy for just one kind of anime.
This is a bad thing for me because god only knows what kind of sick positive remark I’d give when I see Yuri or Hentai. I can already see myself openly praising a sex scene or something outrageous like that. *shakes head*
4. There Are a Lot of Dead Aniblogs Out There
I discovered this when I was looking for pictures for my top 100 anime moments. There are a lot of anime blogs out there and it really gives you an idea of how f*ckin insignificant you are. The worst part is that majority of these sites are now dead. I’ve been there, actually. You put up a blog and write a lot of posts and then no one visits. No comments or high page views yet a similar topic are getting nine hundred comments in another more popular blogsite. It’s the nature of the beast and even if you have great passion for something you love, you really feel defeated when no one gives a f*ck about what you passionately put out.
I’ve been there and I’ve moved on with that but seeing very well written episodic blogs with the author’s humor seeping out of every sentence kind of makes me feel sad that the site is now dead. No more posts, no more discussions and rants about anime and all that’s left are the things the author once passionately put out. It’s all just a drop in the ocean though and it is goddamn depressing when you think about it. My blog barely gets any comments as well and I hope people realize that it’s not the number of comments that makes a successful blog. It’s the work you put into it that people gravitates to because most comments on sites are really just a popular site that new bloggers comment on to get noticed. You can try that. Or better yet, just troll. Write a post that angers KyoAni fags or whatever.
From a fellow aniblogger though, I want to say thank you for wasting your time on an anime so I can steal the screen shots and paste in my own blog. Hurray internet.
5. People Are Perverts
It’s not really that big of surprise but the things people type in a search engine that redirects them to my site is often a bit disturbing. I understand some people type “pantless girls” and they are pointed to my blog. It’s the reason why I placed “No Adult Content” on my blog so people will realize I’m not trying to be a Sankaku Complex clone. I actually regretted the name TPAB for a few months until I just give up caring entirely. I no longer give a f*ck if you type “pantless eight year old” in a search engine and end up reading my Asatarotte no Omocha post.
Then there are people that type “(insert anime here) hentai” like almost every f*cking day. They look for Highschool DxD hentai which is weird because the show itself is massively perverted. Can’t your imagination be as hard working as your left hand? Geez. There are also things like “hentai GIFs”. The world has a lot of sick f*cks in it. Really? GIFs of hentai? Why? What’s the point?! What is the point?
There is also “hard hentai”. Hard hentai. What is that? Seriously? What is that? Are those like two statues rubbing against each other or something?
Then there are those f*cking “vagina” searches. I once reviewed an anime called Gokujo and it’s been in the top pages ever since simply because it had vagina sprawled all over it. Why? It’s because people seriously search for things like “anime vagina, boobs, tits” and “anime vaginas” in their search engine. Sweet powerful and merciful Pikachu, what the hell is wrong with this world?
Hey, I get page views, what do I care?
6. People Love Ecchi
I know a lot of people who hate Ecchi or just simple fan service in their anime. They claim it to be the thing ruining anime and that no good can come out of overly presenting dirty anime. I actually agree but it’s kind of hard to prove that Ecchi is a cancer in the fandom when it’s the most popular genre in anime. Seriously, I’ve personally written one hundred and eighty plus reviews and the ones that get the most views are Ecchi anime. You can claim all you want that Ecchi is bad but there are always ten people behind you secretly worshipping Highschool DxD or some other stupid Ecchi anime. Oh, I’m one of those, by the way.
And you all are too. Don’t deny it.
We are all misunderstood anyways. We watch for the story, right?
RIGH….ah screw it.
7. I Have Given a Score of 1 and 10 In My Reviews
One of these days, I’m going to write my criteria for reviewing an anime. To be honest though, a fellow blogger once told me to write an overall score in my reviews because people are too lazy to read a long winded review about an anime. It makes sense because I barely read mine. I let it pass a month before I proof read it. Some of my reviews embarrass me because I had an “all anime is great, go watch them” mentality when starting out. The meat is still on the bones and that is why I don’t really change them. It’s a great way for me to track my growth as a reviewer and it’s a way for people to find fault in my blog. I’m not perfect and my past reviews reflect that. Anyways, I started out with the notion that I can never watch an anime I’d rate the lowest score of one and the highest of ten. Within just a year of blogging, I have given out those particular scores.
A score of one isn’t rare. If I ever re-watch god awful anime like Harmageddon then you can guarantee that it’ll get a score of one. Screw that, Harmageddon deserves a zero. I’d never expect to give a score on a recent anime though. The medium is an evolving creature that fixes itself as time moves on so I cannot begin to grasp the idea of an anime so god awful that it’d be as bad as anything Harmageddon can dish out. Some people may claim that mindless Ecchi and hard to grasp stories like Boogiepop Phantom deserves a score of one. They don’t because one of my criteria is GENRE EXECUTION. So imagine an anime so vile that it doesn’t even do great on its genre of choice.
Copihan. Goddamn f*cking Copihan deserves to be eliminated from this world. It’s a six part OVA about people in 2034 being weird and funny. The episodes are all standalone and runs for only five minutes. The jokes are flat and the characters are dreadfully one dimensional. Wet toilet paper had more intrigue than the characters of Copihan. Gonzo just basically created an anime that was destined to fail. Five minutes is not enough to form a thought and not even character designs by the dude who created Miku Hatsune can save it. It’s like giving birth to a blind deaf limbless baby and expecting it to fly. No. This has been one of my biggest displeasure in my one year as TPAB.
A score of ten is rare though. I promised myself not to give out a perfect score ever. No anime honestly deserves it because everything is a trope of a trope of a trope nowadays. I even spent a whole sleepless night thinking about giving this certain anime a perfect score and I realize that anything below ten out of ten is an injustice to this anime. Steins Gate deserves a perfect score.
First of all, it’s original. It took its trope and did something new with it. It is drama, mystery, comedy, action, psychological, romance and sci fi with an easy to follow structure that was just brilliantly executed. It’s concept of technology mixed in with the plot and its application of scientific theories to the story is executed flawlessly. The show just met all of my criteria and I really just can’t give it a score lower than ten. This is just my bias opinion of the anime anyways so who really gives two f*cks if I rated an anime a perfect score? In terms of SATISFYING ENDING and LONG LASTING APPEAL, two of my criteria most anime can’t meet, Steins Gate nailed it right on the head.
As a reviewer, I am actually pretty excited to see more anime I can give a low score of one and a high score of ten. Especially in 2013 where almost everything gets a score of 7 or 8 to me, I dare an anime to be so bad it’d be shelved with Copihan and Harmageddon or amazing enough to sit with Steins Gate.
8. I Have Never Completed An Entire Seasonal Lineup
I have seen 183 anime from different seasonal lineup. I actually tried to finish an entire lineup but the anime gods just doesn’t want me to. There are just some things that are beyond my control. I did my best to cover everything but I haven’t finished a seasonal lineup yet. There is a possibility that I can but not for a long time.
The most common problem is the season twos of various anime. I can’t review an anime if it has a first season. I’d get lost by the story and it’s just freaking dumb to review and rate a second season while never seeing the first. I have a system in reviewing second seasons and it’s mostly a side by side comparison of the first to the second. Anime like Queens Blade II and Moyashimon II will have to sit on the backburner for now.
Then there are the long ones. Polar Bear Café = 50 episodes. What kind of sadist decided to give that anime such a long episode? I’ve seen myself just shut down after watching twenty four episode anime so, honestly, fifty plus episodes scare me. I’d have to watch them soon though. I have to. It’s a challenge that I feel is just perfect for me. I cannot imagine trying Bleach or Beelzebub soon though. I’d probably break and explode into small pieces. I’d have to device a way to watch it in my own speed which is something I still haven’t figured out. For now, anything above fifty is in my plan to watch list.
Then there the ones with no subs. Yeah. They are anime with no f*cking subs. No fansubs and they basically came and went with no one giving a single f*ck about them. How the hell can I finish a seasonal lineup when there’s an anime that, not only can I not track down, but no one bothered to translate it? It’s all just too much for me. Granted though, these anime are often stupid ones that no one should really bother to watch but still.
Lastly, there are OVAs and Special. Trust me, someday, I will do a big bundle blog of all the specials in a lineup. Ever since I saw the OVA of Depna Otoko, I realized just how much the OVA and specials have changed. They used to be useless filler for diehard fans but fillers have actually been a part of normal viewing so some companies short change us by providing truly epic OVAs to make us fork over money. Soul-less money grabbing sea slugs. I’ve actually compiled all the OVas and specials of anime I’ve seen and they are in a special hard drive. 23 GB of them, excluding movies, are all just waiting to be watched and reviewed. Someday….before I fucking reach 1000 reviews, I will complete a lineup.
9. Taylor Swift Helps Me Write Reviews
Look, my reviews usually are so long no one bothers to read them. I don’t just magically churn out 2,500 words in a single review though. I’ve basically created a template for all my reviews. It still needs a few tweaks but it helps me go full on dissecting an anime. The thing that helps me the most with writing reviews is music. Listening to music while writing my reviews helps me organize my thoughts and I even scare myself with the things I produce after I publish a post. Like this one, it’s already long I bet no one will read it.
I usually listen to YUI. I have her entire album in a playlist and I have the shuffle on so I get a different song every time. If it isn’t shuffled, I mostly get annoyed at the next song and I skip it which breaks my train of thought. She has a great voice and it really helps a lot. Any singer with a great voice can do wonders when you write a blog. I also have Ai Otsuka (have you heard the ending song of Black Jack?) and Chatmonchy (listen to the OP of Princess Jellyfish and just worship them afterwards) on my music folder. They have great voices and a style of music that is more about talent than auto tune or techno nightmares.
I also have some OPM (Filipino Music cause I’m proud to be one, bitches) music when I get tired of hearing Japanese songs. The rest of them are either video game soundtracks (One Winged Angel’s rock version is just wild) or various anime songs from anime I previously watched (I have Rei Fu’s ED song from Wandering Son).
The one that I am ashamed to admit I have though is the entire discography of Taylor Swift. She..she is just- just so- amazing. Argh! I hate admitting that and I hate myself for liking her. First of all, it’s not that I am a fan. Her voice is just a great way to line up my thoughts. No, I am not a bitter sixteen year old girl who has been dumped by her hot boyfriend and no, I don’t relate to her songs. We are roughly the same age (she is one year older) and I am a bit depressed that the slut has been with a lot of guys and I had one girlfriend my entire life. The road of an anime addict is a bit sad sometimes. Anyways, her voice is just divine. It’s the same style as YUI that I gravitate towards to. Give these girls a guitar and watch them do a better live version of their song and I’m instantly a fan. 2500 and sometimes 3000 words in a review is not easy and goddamn it, it’s their music that really charges me.
She is a slut though. I’m sorry but Taylor Swift is hot and only someone massively slutty can write so many hater songs about guys she dated. You can’t go “you look like bad news, I gotta have you” and then go “we’re never getting back together” without looking a slut. No offense to Taylor Swift fans. As a guy, I feel like this girl just corners creatures with penises and then profit from her failed relationships with them. The dudes she dated should definitely write their songs about her to even the odds.
She autocosplays as Saber though. That is hot.
10. There Are Two Kinds of Reviewers: Half Glass Empty and Half Glass Full
You can be as impartial as you want to be but readers will always see a review one way or another. It’s either very positive or very negative. I read other reviews a lot. I don’t comment because I’m a bitter asshole but I read a lot of reviews so I can further better mine. It’s always leaning towards one or the other. Some are fair, to be honest, but they still come off as super positive. While some are the sarcastic types that just border on the negative. Mine are especially positive with people even claiming how stupidly praiseful I am with some weak anime. I admit that. I’m trying to change that. There are reviews though that just claims a particular anime as the second coming and they describe how flawless it is. You can feel their fanboy aura come out of their review that it’s scary sometimes. They even go as far as to claim people who don’t share their opinion as “pigs who enjoy eating crap”. If you claim Kanokon as a perfect anime then that’s fine by me, I don’t mind that. It’s your opinion.
Then there are those elitist types that bombard you with highfalutin words about how they liked a certain anime. “Oh no, Tatami Galaxy is too smart for you so I’ll point it out in my review with fancy words the concepts you cannot grasp, you weak mortal.” They often call people who don’t share their opinion as mindless anime fans who enjoy things that Shaft produces. It’s a bit perplexing at times and admittedly funny. I also enjoy these kinds of reviews because they often bait fan boys in a comment war and I laugh my ass off when someone does bite the bait on the hook. Also, K-on sucks!!!! Haha.
Then there are those reviews that are just so negative it’s a bit depressing. What kind of anime fan would subject themselves to such a torture and then write about it to affect other people? I have seen a review that starts with “I hate this anime” or “This anime is so awful” that it takes me aback. They would write three or four paragraphs about how vapid the story is, how mindless the characters are and how cliché the whole thing is. Honestly, one of the reason I began blogging is because a lot of reviewers are like this. They just love to hate on an anime nitpicking on anything and everything they can find. “Oh no, it’s cliché, it’s already been done, don’t watch this”. I often wonder why they are even anime fans in the first place. They’d go as far as to say “I finished this anime and it is unwatchable and it should burn forever in hell”. Wait, how can I trust you when you say it’s unwatchable yet you yourself finished it? I mean, really?
Then there are the sarcastic reviewers. They’re aim is to be funny so there is really nothing wrong with that but like most negative reviewers, they focus on one negative aspect like an annoying character or a minor plot hole and then blow it up as if it was the sole reason the anime is awful. Some reviewers do have an idea of how to be funny and informative at the same time. I’ll give you all cookies if we ever talk but some are just looking for cheap laughs so they’ll review something easy to hate like Freezing or Guilty Crown. It’s really not funny but more annoying than anything else. A trolls gotta troll, right?
There are different types of reviewers and it’s really a treat to see so many share their thoughts on anime. It’s a learning adventure for me. We experience anime differently so reviews are also done differently so I am actually glad there is diversity when it comes to anime reviews. What we need now are more unique reviewers. I have yet to see a fujoshi reviewer, a fangirl reviewer and a six way review involving six different bloggers. Someone do it and let anime reviews grow. Oh, by the way, I have seen a feminist anime reviewer. Seriously, they praise Asuna’s independence and rage over the objectification of girls in HighSchool DxD. Life is fucking amazing.
These are ten things I learned as I blog as The Pantless Anime Blogger. I cannot wait for what is in store for the next year. I also hope I can keep on going and slowly reach my goal. Thank you all for the support and I mean it, your support means a lot. Thank you.